Spidersong.

You took hours to get ready, We were standing by the door. You came running upstairs screaming: “There’s a spider on the bathroom floor” We laughed.

Two of our group went down to look. We never saw them alive again. And now I’m here Clutching in my right arm the right arm of a friend I knew It’s quite a mess. I’ve got pest control on the other line saying, “no, we only do earthly pests”

Now I’m looking in its eyes and it’s looking rather peaceful so I ask it:

“Just what are you planning to do?”

And it says (after a three second pause to rest) “oh… I’m so madly in love with you” “Is that a fact?” “I guess” “Then why’d you eat all of my friends” “Friends are nothing compared to the love we’ll have” It said they’re nothing, compared to the love we’ll have.

And then it did a little keyboard solo. Which isn’t too hard when you’ve got eight limbs.

–

Now I’m standing in the aisle and thinking Though I’ve always hated spiders She’s kinda sexy when she’s shaved her legs.

We’ll have children and they’ll all be freaks The doctor says they’re due in a couple of weeks And I’m someone, we’ve a web for a flat, It’s always tidy, there’s a view and a cat That likes us.

My new friends are wearing silk Until they promptly disappear. I’ve never felt like I do now But wish I were out of here To a bathroom with a mop and some spray We’ve had wraps for dinner just about every day.

And she’s four times the hassle in bed, Has a slightly uneven though just about loveable circular head Is spineless but not without heart.

Sometimes I ask if it’s worth it and say “Perhaps not” but I’d rather not be pulled away From the table all chewed up and rolled up and lonely and dead lying lifeless and loveless and friendless and heartless and still and all broken apart.